"I've never known anyone whose soul was as beautiful, graceful, and humble as Hodgie the Electric Smodgie. May he live to see a thousand moons." --Shambo
Interview with a Whale-Whisperer:
Q and A with Hodgiphilus Electrophilis Smodgophalaphroozenfrakensteinen
by Ewan McGregor
(Originally published in "GQ" Magazine, Jan. 2014.)
Ewan: It's great to finally have you here, Hodgie, even though you wouldn't agree to allow your old collaborator Dadio to be present.
HES: Please, Ewan, I go by my real name now.
Ewan: Hodgiphilus?
HES: You can call me Dr. Smodgophalaphroozenfrakensteinen. As you know, Ewan, I was a child actor, and they gave me the name Hodgie "the Electric" Smodgie because they said it had more "curb appeal," whatever that means. I honestly have no idea how they came up with that name.
Ewan: Really? But it...
HES: Just out of thin air. Ridiculous. Anyway, it's a time I'd rather forget.
Ewan: You were rather successful, though, starring in--of all movies--E.T.
HES: Yes. Imagine, I was four, but I knew what was going on. They were saying that I didn't look human. They were saying I looked like a freaking alien!
Ewan: All the makeup and what-not.
HES: Makeup?
Ewan: Forget it. Let's move on to your involvement in "Occupy Wall Street" in 2011. Now, you've been accused of having missed the message of the Occupy movement.
HES: Why perchance?
Ewan: Well, most of the protestors were staying in tents. But you and your new fiancee Phuong Qi constructed a home in the camp grounds, with running water, satellite television, and an indoor pool. It was called a "mini-mansion." In fact, some even said that the CEO of Hasbro spent his weekends at the mini-mansion.
HES: People can be so cruel.
Ewan: Right. Let's get to your music career.
HES: Let's.
Ewan: After you and Dadio had your breakup...
HES: Right. You mean, after Dadio abducted my family, stole my identity, made a country album secretly, and neutered my cat.
Ewan: Exactly. That's when you came out with your first solo album, "A Big Flop."
HES: Yes, it was a compilation of sounds in tribute to the movements of the ocean.
Ewan: Whale sounds.
HES: Whale? That was my wife, man. But yes, I meant the big flopping sound a whale makes when it jumps in the ocean. A "big flop" not an "unsuccessful album." The press totally missed the point. That had a field day with that title. It has a cult following, though.
Ewan: I've heard they use it at Sea World when the animals are constipated.
HES: We've saved so many aquatic lives, Ewan, with that album. Constipation kills, you know.
Ewan: There are rumors of a reunion with you and Dadio.
HES: Never!
Ewan: Even if he offered you de moneys? I mean (British accent again) a great financial offering?
HES: Dadio? What?!
(Dadio removes his Ewan mask.)
Dadio: Come on man! Feel the luv! Let's make byootiful music sounds togethers.
(Hodgie walks out, with Dadio clinging to his leg.)
Dadio: Come on man! You always made the best Mexican food!
(Originally published in "GQ" Magazine, Jan. 2014.)
Ewan: It's great to finally have you here, Hodgie, even though you wouldn't agree to allow your old collaborator Dadio to be present.
HES: Please, Ewan, I go by my real name now.
Ewan: Hodgiphilus?
HES: You can call me Dr. Smodgophalaphroozenfrakensteinen. As you know, Ewan, I was a child actor, and they gave me the name Hodgie "the Electric" Smodgie because they said it had more "curb appeal," whatever that means. I honestly have no idea how they came up with that name.
Ewan: Really? But it...
HES: Just out of thin air. Ridiculous. Anyway, it's a time I'd rather forget.
Ewan: You were rather successful, though, starring in--of all movies--E.T.
HES: Yes. Imagine, I was four, but I knew what was going on. They were saying that I didn't look human. They were saying I looked like a freaking alien!
Ewan: All the makeup and what-not.
HES: Makeup?
Ewan: Forget it. Let's move on to your involvement in "Occupy Wall Street" in 2011. Now, you've been accused of having missed the message of the Occupy movement.
HES: Why perchance?
Ewan: Well, most of the protestors were staying in tents. But you and your new fiancee Phuong Qi constructed a home in the camp grounds, with running water, satellite television, and an indoor pool. It was called a "mini-mansion." In fact, some even said that the CEO of Hasbro spent his weekends at the mini-mansion.
HES: People can be so cruel.
Ewan: Right. Let's get to your music career.
HES: Let's.
Ewan: After you and Dadio had your breakup...
HES: Right. You mean, after Dadio abducted my family, stole my identity, made a country album secretly, and neutered my cat.
Ewan: Exactly. That's when you came out with your first solo album, "A Big Flop."
HES: Yes, it was a compilation of sounds in tribute to the movements of the ocean.
Ewan: Whale sounds.
HES: Whale? That was my wife, man. But yes, I meant the big flopping sound a whale makes when it jumps in the ocean. A "big flop" not an "unsuccessful album." The press totally missed the point. That had a field day with that title. It has a cult following, though.
Ewan: I've heard they use it at Sea World when the animals are constipated.
HES: We've saved so many aquatic lives, Ewan, with that album. Constipation kills, you know.
Ewan: There are rumors of a reunion with you and Dadio.
HES: Never!
Ewan: Even if he offered you de moneys? I mean (British accent again) a great financial offering?
HES: Dadio? What?!
(Dadio removes his Ewan mask.)
Dadio: Come on man! Feel the luv! Let's make byootiful music sounds togethers.
(Hodgie walks out, with Dadio clinging to his leg.)
Dadio: Come on man! You always made the best Mexican food!